Whatever was I thinking?

I wasn't. That's the answer.

Pat, Aedan and I went to Chili's for dinner tonight. We always get the Queso as an appetizer. It looks disgusting but it is oh so good! Not good for you...just good.

I decided to give Aedan a little try of this goodness. Bad idea. Why was it a bad idea? Because apparently it is spicy. I can't tell because my spice radar isn't very sensitive. I can basically eat chili peppers without breaking a sweat! One year olds on the other hand don't possess this talent. Oops! He started crying, looking at me in a panic with eyes tearing up. Pat the savior a.k.a good parent took him and calmed him down and got him to drink some of his milk. I swear the kid kept looking at me like I was trying to kill him.

Honestly I wasn't.

That led to a conversation about the things that have sort of just happened in the last year.

The list:
1. Aedan rolls off changing table from 4 feet off the ground as I bent down to grab a diaper.
2. Aedan rolls off ottoman as I turned my back.
3. We're eating cubed stead, one of the toughest meats to chew as an adult, and I decide Aedan can eat it too with his lone two bottom teeth. They can't do it so don't try it with any other little human.
4. Aedan is outside on a gorgeous day playing with his new popper toy, gets moving too fast, tumbles over and falls on the side of his face. He's bleeding from his forhead and nose - sidewalk brush burns in both places. Looks at me again like I'm trying to kill him.

I think those are the major items. Mind you, each of these events have happened while Aedan's in my care. Aedan is in my care about 90% of the time since I'm of course his mom, still nursing and his dad leaves for work at the crack arse of dawn to drive an hour away. He also works some weekends so again, Aedan's with me most of the time. I bet that if it were the other way around the owner of the incidents would be him but it just feels really crappy to imagine him with his magnificent halo while I, the parent who happens to be there when the injuries occur, has a tipped, cracked and tarnished paper-mache hoop around her head.

We were talking about it at Chili's and joking of course but I can't help to think that I'm just really dumb sometimes. I tend to forget that little boy is just that, a little boy. He's doing so much so fast. Eats so much so good. Walks so fast so far. But inside this speed-boating-through-life little kid he's still a baby. It's such a tug and push kind of feeling this parenting thing. Wanting to teach, wanting to share at the same time not doing too much too soon. It's a constant two steps forward, stop and evaluate, one step back, pause, ok move forward, now catch up with him...

At least I know one thing for sure: no queso until at least 5.