Reading to my Animals

Reading to my Animals

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Opened Can of Worms

My last post. I fear I opened a can of worms. Friends and family have asked me if everything's ok or have told me that they've gone through similar things. It's a nice thing for people to be concerned with my mental well being. It's also comforting to know that others have been down my same path before.

It's been about a week since that post. I'm still feeling the same way but now I have this nagging, tugging feeling...almost like a homework assignment that I keep putting off until the last minute. I know I should get started but I don't have the motivation to start. Or, maybe I just don't know where to start.

I'm tired of reading self-help type books in part because I'm not really sure what kind of help I need. Another part of not reading the books is because they end up drudging up way more stuff about myself then I'm capable of handling at the moment. I also have a tendancy to over relate to issues people have going on in their own lives. I took a class in college called Chronic and Communicable Diseases - after each disease we studied I was certain I had it on some level. You see what I mean? I guess I feel like that if I read anything more then I will either, a. come out with a longer list of issues than what I started with, and/or b. I will become overwelmed by the identification of all of the issues I never knew I had.

I'd like to find a way to work on this in baby steps. I'd like to go deeper within myself and really focus on the "me" that is under construction. I'd like to meet and be my genuine self - someone that doesn't constantly feel the need to live up to anyone elses standards except for her own , say the right things, and be the "yes" girl all of the time.


I have strong desire to revisit the person I was when I was 10. That seemed like a really good age before things really became mucked up by dysfunction.

I apparently also need to start a different blog - those of you hoping for an Aedan up date got this instead. Sorry. I don't really want two different blogs.





8 comments:

Anonymous said...

it is my 2007 "thing". it sucks and it's hard and it was one of the best things to ever happen to me. 2.5 years later i can look back and say that it was freeing. i feel free. of course until i figured that out it landed me in the hospital with a twisted intestine but, whatever. i believe in you. you will figure it out. sorry i said i had a book for you. i will keep it and if you want it you tell me. i have not read it but i hear it addresses some of the exact stuff that was in your post (mama's got a fake ID). you let me know. until then, you can do this. you can unearth yourself. i beleive in you. i'm over here cheering you on and if you need me to come in and get you i will.
i love you,
k

honeymaker said...

Thanks K. I've heard about that book and at some point should take a gander. Being a grown up is hard to do.

Karen said...

I'd love to know about you when you were ten. Want to write a little about that?

Anonymous said...

oh you TOTALLY should write about that! that is such a good idea! i'd love to read that!

what were you like when you were 10? what is it about that you that you miss?
k

Bevin said...

I think you need a vacation. I hear Portland is nice. See Breitenbush website.

honeymaker said...

ahhh 10 years old! I'll have to think about writing about that.

I would love to visit portland! I think I know someone who lives there although I haven't seen her in a long long long time...Oh Bevie!

Anonymous said...

Stop Bogarting the Boys Blog to excise your own demons!!!

Jen said...

oh, was that last one Pat?