not too much

I feel like to should be writing something...something profound...something deep...something awesome but the words aren't there. I don't want to force them to come because then they won't be real but full of empty meaning. I'm tired. My husband hears it from me all of the time. Seems like no matter how much sleep I get I'm still tired. blah blah blah. I think I need to eat more greens.

On the other hand Aedan IS awesome - a truly magical gift that makes me smile even on my most tired of days. Last night we feel asleep together when I was nursing him at 7:30 pm! That was funny. I'm glad my stepson didn't walk in the room to see that. He'd be ruined for life, I'm sure!

Speaking of my stepson...that's a topic I can write about. He's 15 and lately Pat's said like 4 or 5 times that the conversation he's going to have with Aedan (once he's old enough) about CTP and why he's only at our house every other weekend is going to be awkward. I told Pat that he simply needs to tell Aedan that in his (Pat) younger days he was a "playa!" But seriously, that will be a toughie - how do you explain to your son that he and his brother have two different mothers but the same father? Now if it were me talking to Aedan about (and I'm certain everyone will be better if I don't) I would have to say, "Aedan - your dad, while he is oh so smart, was very, very dumb when he was younger, and one day, because he was so dumb he met this ugly, horrible person who, with her wicked, wicked ways, slipped a roofie in his drink. Daddy had no idea what happened to him but then 9 months later CTP was here. We're all very happy that CTP is here but that wicked, ugly, mean other person who shall never be named only lives like 2 blocks away." See, I would be no good at that conversation. You'd think that after almost 11 years I'd be over this. Um, not so much. God help me to be over this.

I'm assuming (ass=me) by the time that conversation needs to happen Aedan will probably have friends with similar family dynamics. Maybe it won't be so strange. Who knows. All I know is that when CTP comes to our house Aedan's face lights up like the carnival just came to town!

We were really worried about the age difference between the two of them but I think it's working...for now anyway. Love is love no matter how many years are spaced in between. He's a great older brother to Aedan. He does all of the things he should do - makes goofy faces, kicks the soccer ball around, plays on the floor, sticks his tongue out to get Aedan to do it back, etc.

Love is nice.