My one year annual check-up was yesterday. I was feeling fine about it- I had a list of questions I needed answering. Most importantly, how I can I "fix" my slightly herniated belly button back into the lovely inny it once was. No luck until it causes me pain. I've also got diastis abdominals - basically means you can fit a figure width between my abs. Kinda gross.
I was lucky to have my fave midwife do the exam, Hope. She's a cute, short and full little lady with a THICK latin-american accent. I think she might be from the Domincan but I'm not sure. Anyway, it was nice to see her. She walked in with chart in hand. First thing she said, "WOW, you lost ALL of your baby weight plus some!" See why I love her? Give a girl a compliment about how skinny she is and you'll be her friend for life! (superficial - whatever!)
As I sat there with my scratchy paper dress in the cold, cold exam room, my mind wandered back to the last gazillion times I sat in that room. I looked up at the wall at all of the posters that show fetal development. I remember Pat being squeezed into the tiny room sitting in a chair and how he came to nearly every one of our appointments. I remembered the first time we saw our little human on the ultrasound. I used to concentrate really hard on the particular stage I was in each time I went for a check-up. I'd imagine little boy swimming around or kicking me. Now that little boy is 13 months old with more spirit and joy than I thought was possible.
I really thought I'd get the shakes from entering that office again. I'm dramatic folks. I had a pretty easy pregnancy as pregnancies go. Not much went wrong. But pregnancy is hard work and parenting even harder. I guess before my feet entered the office threshold I thought I was hitting for the "no more babies" team but then as I was sitting there I found myself inching towards the "maybe reconsider" team.
I know I can't base a MAJOR life decision on one moment or experience in time. But what I did realize is that my commitment to not having anymore kids isn't a commitment at all and that camping out it in the "maybe" territory for awhile doesn't have to be a deal breaker.
Reading to my Animals
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2 comments:
Or you could take this approach... you will drink a bottle of wine, throw caution to the wind, 4 weeks later you will be saying %$!@ what did I do and 16 weeks later you will be full of joy. Oh wait....perhaps that is not recommended.
I found myself proclaiming during this pregnancy, this is it. No more. Then on the U/S table two days ago I said, "maybe one more." That is some crazy shiz as I will be 55 pretty soon. The bottom line is that no matter how much we think about it, it cannot be a decision analyzed to perfection. It is a complete act of faith and trust either way---to have more or not to have more.
true dat.
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