ER

No, not the tv show. We made our first trip to the hospital last night with little boy at about 10:00 pm. I really thought my days of visiting that section of the hospital at that time of night had passed by when I left my job at Rape Crisis. I've always felt strange being in a hospital at that time of night. Even stranger are the other people in a hospital at that time of night. But I guess I can't judge them anymore since we were one of the strangers.

Aedan was running a high temp all day Sunday. We took him to see the doctor Sunday morning to be told he had a virus of some sort and to treat him with Motrin or Tylenol. Ok, we can do that. All day long he was a sad little boy, clingling tightly and looking so sad with dark circles under his eyes.

At about 9pm after trying to get him to go to sleep he was so hot that it felt like his touch might burn us. We took his temperature again and it was a whopping 105.3! Time to call the doctor who then called us back and sent us to the ER.

Pat let Aedan and I off at the front door while he parked the car. We sat down and a weird looking guy looked right at me and said, "Does he have diarrhea?" What? No. Not hello. Not hi. A question about diarrhea! Do I know you? Then he said, "well there's a nasty virus going around." Ok thanks, weird guy in the ER!

So then we checked in. The nurse who "helped" us acted like she couldn't be bothered. Aedan was screaming. The bitchy nurse asked a few questions, told us to go sit down and left. Thanks. urgg!

When we finally saw the doctor Aedan's temperature had gone down quite a bit to 102. He's got an upper respiratory virus. Again, there's nothing that can be done for it except Tylenol and Motrin around the clock to keep his fever down which will then keep his head from exploding. It's an awful feeling knowing that we can't do anything to "fix" him. I guess the only good thing about the visit last night was that it didn't really take too long and the doctor on-call was pretty nice.

After a night of no sleep for Pat, Aedan and I, he's now peacefully spooning Pat on the couch trying to make up for some lost zzz's. So cute.

One Year Post Baby Doc Appointment

My one year annual check-up was yesterday. I was feeling fine about it- I had a list of questions I needed answering. Most importantly, how I can I "fix" my slightly herniated belly button back into the lovely inny it once was. No luck until it causes me pain. I've also got diastis abdominals - basically means you can fit a figure width between my abs. Kinda gross.

I was lucky to have my fave midwife do the exam, Hope. She's a cute, short and full little lady with a THICK latin-american accent. I think she might be from the Domincan but I'm not sure. Anyway, it was nice to see her. She walked in with chart in hand. First thing she said, "WOW, you lost ALL of your baby weight plus some!" See why I love her? Give a girl a compliment about how skinny she is and you'll be her friend for life! (superficial - whatever!)

As I sat there with my scratchy paper dress in the cold, cold exam room, my mind wandered back to the last gazillion times I sat in that room. I looked up at the wall at all of the posters that show fetal development. I remember Pat being squeezed into the tiny room sitting in a chair and how he came to nearly every one of our appointments. I remembered the first time we saw our little human on the ultrasound. I used to concentrate really hard on the particular stage I was in each time I went for a check-up. I'd imagine little boy swimming around or kicking me. Now that little boy is 13 months old with more spirit and joy than I thought was possible.

I really thought I'd get the shakes from entering that office again. I'm dramatic folks. I had a pretty easy pregnancy as pregnancies go. Not much went wrong. But pregnancy is hard work and parenting even harder. I guess before my feet entered the office threshold I thought I was hitting for the "no more babies" team but then as I was sitting there I found myself inching towards the "maybe reconsider" team.

I know I can't base a MAJOR life decision on one moment or experience in time. But what I did realize is that my commitment to not having anymore kids isn't a commitment at all and that camping out it in the "maybe" territory for awhile doesn't have to be a deal breaker.

Potential

Clearly I've hijacked this blog for my own purposes. Mostly, it's out of not wanting to start another blog. I'll try to keep my posts as balanced as possible with updates about the every changing little human in my life and my own search for balance and growth as a mother, woman, wife, daughter, person. The end.

Ok -new post.
This is for someone in particular. I will not name names. You know who you are. This is what Aedan would say to you if he could say more than dadda, momma, banana, vroom, all done, juice, fish, doggy, kitty, all done, nanana (with finger usually pointing at me).

Aedan would say:
Make me proud. Go forward. Trust yourself. Fullfill your dreams. Grab the destiny that has been laid out before you. Complete the plan for your life. Take a chance. You will succeed. I will be ok. Ignore naysayers - they're pretty dumb anyway. Learn transcendental meditation. And, for the love of pete stop talking to people who make you feel bad about yourself.

Ok, now I'd like some juice.