Ever since Pat and I even thought about trying to get pregnant for little boy we had many talks about how many kid(s) we'd like to have. It was 1 for a long time. Then maybe 2. Then back to 1. Definitely never more than 2. Then little boy was born and we had our 1.
Occasionally Pat or I will say randomly that we'd like to go for two. Many of you have heard about our 2 year re-evaluate plan. When Aedan turns 2 we'll re-evaluate the whole sibling to-do or not to-do. If it's a to-do, then we're giving ourselves a year to get pregnant, then another 9 months to have the baby. That way, Aedan will only be about 3 1/2 years older and just about ready for Pre-K. Daycare expenses will not be an issue b/c Aedan will be in school.
If it's the not to-do then something surgical will occur to either Pat or I (but I really think he should do it since I had my abdomen sliced open once already). I've been pretty solid on the 1 for quite some time now. Every once in awhile Pat will put a wrench in that thinking.
Here are a few of his wrenching scenarios:
Little boy is acting all sweet, giving us gooey kisses and hugs, laughing at us hysterically, chasing the dog. Pat chimes in..."We should probably have just one more. This is so much fun! He is so much fun!" I say, "Maybe. Let's re-evaluate in 2 years."
I'm in the kitchen, Pat walks in and says,
"So I was thinking...once we're dead and gone little boy won't have any siblings to be with. He'll be all alone. That is so sad. We should probably have another baby so he can have a sibling close to his age." I say, "That is sad. But hopefully, he'll be married with kids of his own so he won't be lonely." And, "Let's not plan for our death too soon, ok?"
The scenario that changes it all:
I put little boy to bed at 7:30. He wakes up at 9:00 SCREAMING bloody murder. I can't console him. He's screaming at me! His teeth are throbbing, he has a runny nose and is drooling everywhere. I am sick myself and tired. My nose is running on him. Pat comes downstairs, tries to help. He can't help. No one can help. He's helpless. Pat goes back upstairs.
I don't know if little boy has spoiled us with his good sleeping habits but every time we go through a night like that the thought of having a number 2 isn't even a possibility. I refuse to entertain the thought. I can't imagine that the end of teething marks the end of sleepless nights. With each new stage there's got to be another reason not to sleep, right? So, how do you forget about the exhaustion, sleep deprivation, frustration, feelings of inadequacy, worry, and get to, LET'S DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN? I mean, the Dugger's on TLC did it like 18 times. WTH? That's lunacy! I just don't know that I have it in me. I mean, I give over 100% to the little human already. I think I might die if there were two of them and then...there would be two kids motherless! They'd be together but without a mother because I'd be dead. It goes back up to Pat's scenario about being alone without parents. "At least they'll have each other." ach!
(For today) I'm certain that 1 is good enough for us. I'm pretty sure I'm up for another bad night tonight so tomorrow my answer will be the same barring gooey kisses and snuggles in bed. Check back with me in a month or two (maybe by then his teeth will be in).
Disclaimer: this is all subject to change this afternoon, tomorrow or next week given I get proper sleep. I'm trying to work it out in my head.
Reading to my Animals
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2 comments:
disclaimer so noted. we are women, so reserve the right to change our minds in a nano-second.
sleep deprivation.
...hhahahaaaahahhaahahaahahaha. so funny. so funny.
in oct my youngest will be 9. we've JUST started sleeping through the night this past year. and it STILL isn't consistent.
cleary i'm doing something wrong but i can't figure it out. whatever. in a mere 9 years they'll all be out of the house and keeping their dorm roomates up all night.
k
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