Constipation

Lovely word isn't it? Even more lovelier is the feeling. I know you've all experienced it at some point but you probably don't want to admit it.

This past weekend Pat and I watched as little boy wriggled up his lips, turned apple red, and sometimes coame out with a quiet grunting sound. We watched him and he watched us each time. I'm guessing he was trying to say HELP through this expression and his eyes.

I turned to Pat looking to him for some advice. Afterall, (he'll hate that I'm saying this) a few of the Palmer's are known for having gastrointestinal issues so they should be experienced in trying to solve this problem.

We tried giving him nothing but pears, oatmeal cereal and beans for about two days. Then I read somewhere (ha!) that giving him water would help loosen things. Nice. I was prepared at each diaper change to see some kind of massive blowout. It never happened.

By Sunday evening I really couldn't stand by watching him look like he was in pain. I kept thinking that he's still eating normally and taking everything in but hardly anything was coming out...it must be "in there" somewhere backed up and waiting to come out! Off I went to Walgreens to see if I could find something.

I came home with infant suppositories.

Pat gave me a look that said he wasn't going to do it.

I pulled my big girl panties up and did what a grown up mom is supposed to do. There was something very awkward and icky about inserting the little glycerin tablet. This was I guess the first time I had to say to myself that it will only be uncomfortable for second and that the end result will be relief for the poor little man. I tried convincing myself of this but it didn't really work. I still felt crappy. (he he)

I expected him to scream. He didn't. He was a trooper and for some reason quickly feel asleep on my shoulder. I think he was tired from all of the work he'd been doing over the past couple of days.

When he woke up I changed his diaper and truly wanted to do a cheer for poop! There was poop, real poop. I've never been so excited over poop.

Another lesson learned in the world of motherhood. I'm apparently going to be "knee-deep" in it for a few more years.

nothing new....really.

I figured that if I didn't post something soon I'd be hung up by my underwear.

I think I'm getting to that point mothers do when you throw your hands up, dump all of the theories, books and suggestions on how to raise your kid, and surrender to the little human being. I listen patiently as people give suggestions. I try not to roll my eyes. I try to not bark back and say whatever. I try to remember that I'm an adult. I try.

Surrending for me is new territory. I fight for the last word. I generally think my way is the right way. I'm pretty critical - although I tend to do this quietly so no one can see that side of me...well except for my mom and Pat but that's it. But for the most part I've tried to take in and try out the suggestions I get from people.

As we've been having the sleeping issues I've heard all kinds of suggestions. When I said Aedan was sleeping in our bed we heard most predomimantly, "Oh No! You'll never get him out." From our nurse home visitor I heard, "You either need to fight the sleeping battle now or fight it when he's two." I get that raised eyebrow look like they want to say something but they're not going to. What's with all of this battle language and fighting and end-of-the-world feeling?

I was thinking about the if you don't get him to sleep on his own in his own bed now you'll never get him out comment. Is there really truth to that? If it were the truth wouldn't there be like a gazillion 20 year olds still sleeping with their parents? That's just strange.

I'm not saying I love it that Aedan sleeps with us occassonally but there is some sweetness to it that I'd like to savor for a little while. And...as crazy as it sounds....when he does make it through a night I sort of wake up around 5 a.m. half-way hoping he'll start crying and want me to come get him so I can eat up the deliciousness of him that last hour before we start the day. We only have this time together for a short while. I figure as a mom to a boy child I really have a short period of time when all he wants is mom. As he gets older I'm certain he'll want dad most of the time. You know...for guy reasons. I'm just guessing that'll be the way it goes.

Maybe this is my way of saying that I think I'm really becoming a mom to my boy. I love all of the strong women and mothers around me and am so thankful for the support and experience they bring to my life. But, I guess I'm also saying that I think I'm finding my rhythm as a mother...even if the rhythm ain't sounding like Bach or Beethoven.

Peace out. I'm going to take a nap now because the boy is sleeping with me tonight! he he.

Oh Canada!

Aedan, my mom and I embarked on his first International Trip. I was reminded that no matter the close proximty of Canada to the U.S. and the similarity of our people (except for the weird pronounciation of words with "ou" in them) we were crossing an international border - so said the grumpy border patrol lady.

I always get super nervous when crossing into Canada. Not because I'm smuggling any contraband or escaping anything. It's just very intimidating. This was my first time crossing with Aedan and I was pretty sure I had everything covered. My mom and I both had our passports, I copied Aedan's birth certificate. The one thing I didn't think to bring was a letter from Pat saying it was OK for me to bring Aedan with me to Canada. Who would've thought I needed to. Maybe this is my ignorance coupled with first-time momisms and not having traveled to another country with him. Anyway, I was promptly told that the next time I bring my son without his father across the border I will need to have a letter stating that it ok for me, his MOTHER, to bring MY SON, with me to Canada. Okay. I will.

Now I know this is a safety issue and there are plenty of crazy moms AND dads out there who steal their kids and escape to Canada (?). I'm happy for their sake that they have this order in place. But really, I couldn't help feel a little annoyed and bothered by the fact that they would request a letter. And really, couldn't I have just typed one up myself, signed Pat's name and been off to my refuge in Canada? Probably.

At any rate, we're in Montreal for a conference that I'm attending. My mom came with us thank goodness to care for Aedan while I'm in my workshops that are oh so interesting - about as interesting as community foundation workshops can be. (Yikes!).

I've learned more lessons about being a mom, juggling work, attending a conference knowing there's a cranky 7 month old 14 floors above, scheduling "mommy breaks" i.e. nursing and the dreaded pump.

Tomorrow we head back home where routine reigns instead of spontaneity. Is it weird for me to say I miss routine? I miss home. I miss the "way we do things" there.

Voting Booth

I get VERY excited every time I have the chance to vote. Maybe it's the feminist in me knowing that if I didn't exercise my right I'd be spitting in the face of all the hard work and suffering that went in to giving me my right. I vote in every single election from Presidential to County Clerk (that one bewilders me). I love to pull the lever, close the curtain, carefully make sure I'm clicking the little bar for my candidate(s), double checking once again, and then finally making my selection.

Pat and I always vote together. It's a tradition. I was biting my nails all day because yesterday I had to wait until he got home from Binghamton to vote. He says I take way too long in the voting booth. Whatever.

Yesterday was HUGE in so many ways. Huge because this election will shape the country in the next four years into a more mature America and hopefully smarter America. It was also huge because I wasn't only voting for myself, Pat, our family or friends. I now have a son to think about and more importantly the shape of HIS future.

It's funny that I really didn't think of this when I got pregnant. Of course I knew that I'd be changed forever as a person but truly the task of motherhood is more than being responsible for the every day issues like food, shelter, love, education. Those are super important don't get me wrong. But yesterday and several days leading up to the election made me think of this responsibility in a whole new way. I have the power with my single vote to make a "change" that will affect HIS life.

I picked up Aedan at 4:45 p.m., drove to our voting location, met Pat in the parking lot, and made our way to Room 122 (it was in a school). I had a bounce in my step and was a little more giddy this time. Pat took Aedan into the booth with him to vote. I wanted to take a picture of them but I think it's illegal.

It was a lovely day and even lovlier evening! Hooray!
I explained the results to Aedan this morning. He just stared at me, sneezed a boogery sneeze and laughed. Pure joy!