I sit and think.

I have a lot of labels: daughter, sister, wife, friend, co-worker, peep, and now mother.

That last one makes me raise an eyebrow. How can it be? I always thought I was the girl who would never become a mom. I'm not sure why I ever thought that...I don't even think the thought originated from me. Maybe it was a perception.


I sit here as he's sleeping in his crib always with one ear listening for a cry or some other strange noise that would make me stop what I'm doing and check on him. Never have I been so attentive. Where did this new person come from?

I'm

Morphing

I don't know what's happening really... my sweet angelic little boy has become a growling, whining, pitiful, snot-filled grump! Aedan caught his first cold over the weekend and I'm about ready to run away! This is me being dramatic of course.

As colds go, this one isn't too bad. He's got a stuffed up nose that makes it hard to breathe and there's no use using the pacifier to soothe him since he can't suck and breathe at the same time. Forget about sniffing...he hasn't learned that skill yet so I'm constantly attacking him with the booger sucker to at least give him a little relief.

There's no comfy place to lay him. He can't really lay on his back for any length of time because the snot pools up in his nose. I feel awful for him. Tylenol seems to be working but who knows really. He's still growling and looking at me like I did something to him.

I thought breastmilk was supposed to prevent these things from happening? Guess not.

Another Vacation Down

Vacation! When you say it you get all excited for a weeks worth of play and relaxation. Before we left for North Carolina I was counting down the days until we left. Aedan and I went on our very first plane ride together. I was super excited and a little too arrogant to think that I'd be "just fine" doing it solo. Not so much.

This is how it began:

1. On our way to the airport I forgot the all important rescue bottle in the refridgerator. After a few swear words and making my mom nervous I turned around to get the bottle.
2. Airport arrival - went through security just fine but then was trying to hold Aedan and get my front pack on at the same time was ridiculous. I ended up putting Aedan in one of those bins that run through the x-ray machine so I could strap myself up.
3. Flying through Philli...can you say headache every time?? Our flight was delayed due to thunderstorms for an hour and a half. Here's me panicking with small breastfed baby thinking we wouldn't make our connection before he needed to eat again. Thank God I turned around to get the rescue bottle!
4. Arrived in Philly, grabbed a banana peanut butter smoothie and got to our gate. Holy explosion Aedan! This was the first of many bad belly diapers.
5. Getting on Plane to Raleigh: It's lovely that they allow parents with small children to board first. What's not so lovely is that the flight attendants don't help you once you get on. So really, the early get on board doesn't help at all. Picture this: Aedan is in my front pack, diaper bag is over my shoulder and I'm trying to load my carry-on into the overhead compartment. Did they shrink the compartments all of a sudden? Meanwhile, Aedan starts screaming and the mean flight attendant is staring at me from the front of the plane! Finally I said, "Can I get some help here?" She yelled back, "It's not going to fit up there!" No shit! (I didn't say that to her).
6. We're finally seated. Aedan has now gone almost 4 hours without food. He's such a good boy.
7. We arrive. Nice guy sitting next to me offers to carry my carry-on off the plane.
8. Walking by the mean flight attendant I said goodbye nicely, she barked, "Next time don't pack so much." Can you imagine what I wanted to say back? Ok, just imagine.
9. I see Pat and Carrick. They met us at the airport to bring us to Bernie and Steven's. Safe at last. Phew!

It sounds worse than it was. We survived and surprisingly I'll probably do it again. Aedan was a trooper.

We had a great time in NC. The weather was beautiful. Aedan had a bad belly for a day when we got to Wilmington. It's was a whole days worth of Montezumas revenge in his diaper! We attempted to got to the beach with him one day. Pat dipped his little toes into the warm ocean water. He was ready for a nap but then had a major meltdown. The sun was too bright for his little eyes. So then I had a meltdown because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Pat rescued he and I and took Aedan back to the house. I had a good couple of hours on the beach alone. That was lovely. Thanks Patrick!

Back to the meaning of vacation. It's different now. I knew it would be. Pre-baby equaled being carefree, drinking beachy cocktails whenever I wanted, galavanting off into the ocean anytime I wanted to, and being outside. Post-baby equals staying inside most of the time, missing my beachy cocktails throughout the day, waiting until after 7:30 to finally have one, and getting irritated at husband (the majority of the time) for being able to galavant instead of me.

Life is different now. I'm adjusting to it slowly but seem to be grumbling about it quite often. Don't get me wrong...I love Aedan to pieces and I would never want things to go back to the way they were without him. It's just different and much harder.